Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wednesday Hikes

For the past 4 or 5 years I have gone hiking with an amazing group of people on Wednesday nights. Well...let me clarify. Up until this year I have only made it hiking with them maybe 3 or 4 times each season. Lots of excuses why such as I was working in Provo which made it difficult to make it on time or I was dating a controlling a-hole who didn't like me to go. Anyway, this year is different!
Our group leader is 76 years old! He knows almost every trail in Utah, or at least it seems that way. He sends out an email on Monday or Tuesday telling everyone where to meet. I am normally the youngest who goes. Most of the members are 15 to 30 years older than me, but I don't care. We hike and talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy nature together. We start out hiking the lower trails and as the weather warms and the snow melts we move up higher in the mountains.
Yesterdays hike was about 5 miles. It was a fairly easy hike, not too much incline and the trail was well kept. The wildflowers were out in full bloom. Lots of yellow daisy looking flowers all over. We saw a lot of moose tracks on the trail but were not fortunate enough to see one. We did however see a few deer on the way back. Little white butts jumping across the meadows - so cute!
On this hike my mind was full. I just have so much going on and it was the perfect chance to think things through. Most of the hikers know each other a lot better than me so I am not drawn into too many long conversations, so it is easy to get lost in my own thoughts. Mainly I thought about Sven. Sigh. It is now just under 5 weeks until he gets here. I still do not know what the future holds for us, but that's OK. I know that I am very excited to see him and that we will have a blast while he is her. I thought a lot about growing old. About independence versus a life long partner. Not too many in the group are married, but then again about half of the group is comprised of lesbians so they don't really have that option per se (hopefully one day that will change.)
To be honest, right now I am really enjoying my independence and quite alone time. I don't feel the need to hurry and settle down and reproduce. I once told my mother that maybe I am not the settling down type of girl. She, in her infinite wisdom, told me that I may feel that way now but (here is comes) one day I am going to wake up old and regret not having kids, and at that point it could be too late. I don't know if she is right or not, knowing my luck she probably is. Damn the motherly intuition! But I have still have time. I don't know that I have to have all the answers or know what I want right now. I am OK with just being me, exactly the way I am! It suits me to not have to please anyone else, I have spent too much of my life doing that.

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