Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I started blogging just over a year ago. My very first post was called "The world is your oyster", a brutally honest raw exposure of myself. I didn't have a name or an identity to my blog then, and truthfully I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I wanted to write.
A large part of my inspiration for going back to college was this blog. I knew I had ideas and stories I wanted to share, but I also knew from a technical standpoint my writing left a lot to be desired. So last summer, I walked into the Salt Lake Community College, 2 weeks before classes were scheduled to start, and enrolled. Again, I had no idea what I was doing. No game plan. I just knew it was where I needed to be.
Sitting here reflecting, feet propped up on a chair - laptop warm in my lap, it's fun to think of some of the highlights my silly little blog has brought me.
- I remember the first time I got a comment from a blogger I, for lack of a better work, idolized. People like Caveat Emptor, Black Hockey Jesus and the amazing Jenny the Bloggess. It may seem silly, but it totally made my day to think that something, however small and trivial, in my blog sparked their interest enough to visit AND leave a comment.
- I remember coming up with the name for my blog and asking my friend and blogging mentor Sarah what she thought of it. "Honestly I think it's fucking brilliant and wish I would have come up with it." A better compliment has never existed. She helped me register the domain name and set things up.
- I remember getting approved to have ads on my blog through the BlogHer network. It only took 6 months of having them, but I got my first check too. I celebrated by going to coffee with Sarah just this last weekend.
- As it turns out the whole being a student and a blogger really worked out in my favor recently too. I am headed to the BlogHer convention in Chicago in a little over 3 weeks. Truthfully there is no way I could have afforded it without the discounted student rate and I am so happy they offer one. I'll try not to cuss when I pay next months tuition now.
- Last but certainly not least (cliche much?), the highlight of my evening. Getting mentioned on the "Here is the good news happening around our GiST network" email for finally getting the balls to get the tattoo I have been talking about for over 2 years. Seriously, how cool is that?
I know I am rambling on a bit and a lot of these things may not seem like a big deal, but I am a firm believer it's the little things in life that count and you should celebrate ALL victories.
Thanks lovely Internet for giving me more reasons to celebrate! Oh, and the local wine store says thanks too.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Me: "So I ate 6 cookies before coming to the gym tonight."
ED: "Six cookies! Why?"
Me: "Because I needed a snack and I knew that our work out tonight would cancel them out. That's how it works. I'm surprised you didn't know that. Plus I had milk, which is healthy, so, you know, that helps too."
ED: "Sweetheart, that is not exactly how it works."
Me: "Um, yeah it is."
Yesterday my amazing friends Sarah and Susan responded to my plea for relief from the bondage of homework. We met up at the Utah Arts Festival and even though they chose not to share the dress code with me (bitches) it was exactly the break I needed.
And wouldn't you know, they share the same brilliant logic as me!
We figured the calories from the wine, beer, pizza, hot dogs, ice cream and fries we collectively consumed all didn't count. You see, when you are at an outdoor festival or event nothing counts because they are so few and far between that it's practically a crime NOT to take full advantage. Plus we were out in the hot sun sweating out any pesky calories that may have gotten into our food. Also, should there have been any calories, we were totally covered because we all pretty much skipped breakfast but still managed to do individual morning workouts.
So, yeah, a day of no calorie guilt with my girls! How sweet is that?
Oh and the best part is, as an added bonus for me, Sarah and Susan both agreed that the fact I worked out on a Saturday night counts as double calorie canceling points. So in reality, I'm like way ahead in this whole calorie canceling game and can eat 6 more cookies today!
Psshh! Fitness coach my ass. I should write a book on this stuff.
Friday, June 26, 2009
So to put things in perspective (whilst I practice my patience), here is an installment of Grace in Small Things:
1. People who are smarter than I and willing to share their know how with me.
2. Having an open discussion with my boss.
3. Taking part in promoting National HIV Testing Day.
4. Sore muscles (it let's me know I did something to them).
5. Setting up my first 401K plan.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
For the most part, I have really enjoyed my little place. That is, until the past 2 months when the new upstairs neighbors from hell moved in! Now, I've lived in apartments for the greater part of my adult life so I am accepting of a lot of things, but these neighbors are ridiculous! The are night owls who like to start pacing above my bed at exactly the time I am trying to go to sleep. I know you are going to think I am just being dramatic, but I swear they wear lead boots too. They also play a game every night where they open and shut every drawer and cupboard in their place then go out on the balcony 3 or 4 times slamming the door on their way. I'm sure it's a lot of fun for them but all I hear is stomp-creek, slam, slide, creek, creek, stomp, stomp and occasionally the err err, err err of their bed while they are doing the nasty.
The worst part is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it... except move.
But I don't want to move! What with all the packing and lifting of heavy furniture. Ugh! I've moved 5 times in the last 4 years and none of the times has been what I consider fun.
So what's a girl to do?
I spoke with the leasing office and they said I could upgrade to a newly remodeled top level apartment for basically the same price as I am paying now (guess the economy has been hard on them too).
But moving... again? Blah!
So now it's crunch time. Deal with annoying neighbors for another year or move. Somehow I don't feel like there is a right answer here.
PS - anyone have a truck?
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'd like to thank the talented Mitch Anderson of Mutiny Ink for being the one to continuously jam that needle.
Right now the challenge is finding clothes to wear. Because of the size and location it makes wearing a bra all but impossible, but going without one is not exactly an option so I'm going to have to suck it up and find a way to make it work.
Pain is beauty, right?
PS - While the parents were a little... um... shocked? at Fathers Day dinner, they did not react too bad. My mothers only question, "did you have to get it so big?".
Saturday, June 20, 2009
When we got home I started researching the meaning behind cherry blossoms and found there are different meanings from China and Japan:
Chinese Cherry Blossom
For the Chinese the cherry blossom is a very significant symbol of power. Typically it represent a feminine beauty and sexuality and often holds an idea of power or feminine dominance. Within the language of herbs and herbal lore of the Chinese the cherry blossom is often the symbol of love.
Japanese Cherry Blossom
For the Japanese the cherry blossom holds very different meaning. The cherry blossom is a very delicate flower that blooms for a very short time. For the Japanese this represents the transience of life. This concept ties in very deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism that state all life is suffering and transitory. The Japanese have long held strong to the Buddhist belief of the transitory nature of life and it is very noble to not get too attached to a particular outcome or not become emotional because it will all pass in time.
The fallen cherry blossom is not taken lightly in Japanese symbolism either. It often represents the beauty of snow and there are many connections made in Japanese literature or poetry to a fallen cherry blossom and snow. This also has been extended to the life of a warrior whose life was ended early in battle.
I am taking bits and pieces from both meaning. For me, it serves as a reminder of the strength it took to get out of a toxic situation, is serves as a symbol of femininity, it serves as a sign of a new beginning and it serves as my belief in finding true love.
I still have the picture I took on my phone that day, although it is save on a disk that I left in my office so I will add it to this post later. But this picture is fairly close to what I will be getting today (4PM MST), but without the Chinese writing.
Wish me luck! Follow up pictures to come!
UPDATE: I found the original picture I took while on a walk with my Dad.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
In the end I did nothing. I’m not a confrontational person and I was on my way to take a math test so, I did nothing. Seriously, what does one do in this situation? No damage was done to either of our cars. Really it was only a parking nudge, but it’s the principle of this person having the audacity to completely ignore the fact that she hit me. It irks me! It also irks me that I don’t know if I should have responded or not.
What would you have done?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore this 3 year old princess and I am partly responsible for her princess complex. I spoil her rotten, put make-up on her, buy her toys, give her candy, cookies, yogurt and fast food, paint her nails, buy her coffee and let her watch PG-13 movies. In return she torments my cat, spills juice/water/wine on my couches, gets chocolate basically everywhere and makes me wipe her princess butt after she screams from the bathroom "SUMMER COME WIPE MY BUM!"
During this particular "few hours" visit I asked her what she wanted to do. Without hesitation she told me she wanted to go feed the ducks. We grabbed what little bread I had and walked over to the pond at my apartment complex.
Now I'm going to wager a bet that her mother is letting her watch more than just princess movies because a diva personality like this only comes from watching too much VH1 reality TV and/or pop music videos.
Watch out world! Miss Brielle Gaga-Perry is coming through!
PS - For those of you who are not familiar with pop-culture references (Grandma I'm talking to you), "I Kissed a Girl" is a song by Katy Perry pictured above left.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I know you are thinking, whoopd’y shit. What’s the big deal? Sounds very normal and boring. Well, that is where you are wrong. You see, ED and I only get to see each other twice a week and we tend to be a little selfish with our time. We have to get enough of each other on a Saturday night to last us until the following weekend and that is hard to do when you are with other people.
When we first started dating, an additional reason for our selfish exclusivity was that we wanted to be sure about the relationship before parading each other around our respective friends. Because honestly, there is nothing worse than bringing a new guy around, letting your friends get to know him only to tell them 2 weeks later that they won’t be seeing him again. Ever. It’s way too much work, plus it’s embarrassing.
So here we are, 5 months into round 2 of dating and we are doing “coupley” stuff with other couples with no anxiety or second-guessing. It’s really…cool. Finding myself in a happy, healthy relationship with potential for a future is somewhat uncharted territory for me. I haven’t been this comfortable or happy in a long time.
Sometimes I wonder when the rug is going to get pulled out from under me and when he will turn into a controlling ass hole. I’ll eye him suspiciously expecting the transformation to take place right before my very eyes! But, instead he just smiles at me and says, “Aw honey, I love you. Like a fat kid loves cake.”
Then I melt. All worry and suspicion floats away and I continue to let myself just be happy because fat kids really do love cake and I really do deserve to be happy.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Now, let's be honest for a minute here. There are very few things that one can do to make me feel the need to cut them out of my "virtual friend network" because really it's not like they are "real" friends. Don't get me wrong, a handful of my Facebook friends are real life friends as well as virtual friends, but I'd be lying if I told you I had over 200 real friends; I'm just not that cool nor do I have the energy to be a friend back to that many people. But I digress....
Really there are only 2 ways to get me to delete you. The first is to insult me, my friends or my family. The second is to show intolerance and/or prejudice to another race or lifestyle. In this particular instance both offenses were committed.
Sometimes saying goodbye is not so hard. In fact, it is as simple as the click of a mouse.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Karina the Russian was going through her pictures last night and came across this picture. ED is just so freaking cute I couldn't help but share it with you. This was during my swoopy bangs period and I think my face looks slightly retarded, but I think you can see he made me (retardedly) happy back then, just like he does now.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I have some very exciting news! I'm going to MEXICO! Si! Es true. In 2 months I will be laying on the beautiful white beaches of the Riviera Maya with my babe ED.
We have been talking about taking a trip together in between summer and fall semesters. Both of our birthdays are in August (Leo's rule! Rawr!) and it will be the big 3-0 for ED, so we figured what better way to celebrate than by spending 6 days and 5 nights plastered in a foreign country.
We booked our trip Sunday night and of course I had to text Karina the Russian to let her know that it was really happening.
Me: OMG! ED and I just booked our trip! It's official work out, tan and save money like crazy time!
KTR: Yeah! That is so cool! OK, I'm going to start working on your to do list!
So the "to do" list is something Karina gives me before I leave on any and every trip I take. It started when we went to California last year and she made me pretend to be from England and flirt with local surfers. Then it continued when I visited ED's parents for the first time in the country and "have sex in a barn" was on the list. The most recent list came from my trip to Zions National Park where I had to scream from the top of my lungs that I was the queen of the world, much to EDs ultimate embarrassment.
KTR: 1st! Find a hot pink taco and eat it!
KTR: 2nd! Have sex in a sombrero!
KTR: 3rd! Watch a donkey show!
KTR: Drue (random new guy friend) says you need to bring me a grain of rice with my name on it too. Oh, and eat a bacon wrapped hot dog from a street meat cart!
Me: Um... we are not going to Tijuana... we are staying at a classy place!
KTR: Don't worry, I'll have more for you later. I'm watching playboy Hef and he has a new girlfriend named Christal!
Seriously I can't help but love that girl!
If you have items to add to my "to do" list for Mexico, preferably one's that don't involve donkeys or eating questionable food, let me know.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Talking to ED last night he tells me, "Sweetheart, I just feel like all of your emotions are very raw right now." He is trying so hard to be patient and understanding with me when he is probably wondering how in the world his girlfriend went from happy and fun to an emotional wreck. But still, he claims to love me and I choose to believe him.
Today I am happy to report that while I am not better, I have decided to make the conscience decision to be happy, healthy, positive and productive. I'm taking The Secrets approach which is a kind of a "fake it til you make it" approach. I'm going to keep telling myself that I am happy, healthy, positive and productive until it is the truth. Over and over, that is what I am telling myself. So if you walk up to me and I scream "I AM HAPPY, HEALTHY, POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE!" Please do not be alarmed, I'm just in the middle of healing myself.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Friday I went to the X96 Big Ass Show with Karina the Russian. I was a lot more behaved than I was last year when I was running around getting my picture taken with every rock star I laid eyes on. But, when you have VIP tickets which give you access to free beer.... it would have been a shame to let it go to waste.
A few of the bands I really enjoyed watching were The Airborne Toxic Event (seriously in love with these guys! If you don't know who they are watch THIS), Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and of course Offspring. Offspring was the headlining band and they tore it up! It was so funny to watch Karina looking at everyone else sing along to the songs. "You don't know this one?" I would scream over the crowd. Then she would look at me with her of course I don't know this one I'm from Russia bitch look. I would of course laugh and she would tell me how she was going to take me to Russia and laugh at me when I didn't know the bands who were playing.
The next morning Karina and I went to brunch. I had coffee and the most amazing crab Benedict served over cornbread with an avocado relish. I'm drooling thinking about it again. I kept marveling as we sat outside on the patio at how I really felt OK. All of the symptoms from last week seemed to have magically disappeared. How amazingly wonderful for me!
Saturday night I went to 2 barbecues where the food, margaritas and wine flowed freely. I felt great and had a wonderful time. Then Sunday came along. Damn you Sunday. Such a fun wrecker. I studied for over 12 hours trying to make up for all of my play time then I had a stress induced anxiety attack.
So now here I am, back where I started. Taking several over the counter meds and eating bland foods. Apparently when they talk about school being a sacrifice they are not kidding. My body is telling me I can no longer play like I used to plus handle the stress of work, school and finances. I think it sucks. I think I SHOULD be able to handle it all. But sadly, superwoman left the building a long time ago.