Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Corrupt Christmas Carols

Christmas songs get old really fast when you have heard the same ones your entire life. I have gotten to the point where I pretty much know every song played, word for word, without even thinking about it, yet alone the meaning behind them. Where am I going with this? Why am I writing about Christmas songs?

The other day I was driving in the car with my BFF, Karina the Russian. One of the trendy "top 40's" radio station decided to play a re-mix of the old classic "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer". Now I have heard this song countless times, I am pretty sure we even sang it in Elementary school for a Christmas concert. It has always been just a silly, funny, harmless song. That is, until I saw it through Karina's eyes.

Karina: "Are you listening to what this song is saying? This song is so messed up! Are they saying what I think they are saying? Listen!"

"She'd been drinking too much eggnog and we begged her not to go. But she'd left her medication and she stumbled out the door into the snow."

Karina: "Oh. My. God."

"When they found her Christmas mornin' at the scene of the attack, there were hoof prints on her forehead...

Karina: "Seriously!"

"and incriminatin' Claus marks on her back. Oh! Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa we believe."

Karina: "In Russia they don't have songs like this. This song is seriously messed up. Very bad. How freaking rude and crude is that? Instead of worrying about grandma they are believing in Santa? I mean that is just wrong. That is a traditional song? What is wrong with you people? That is just sick and wrong. If my grandma got ran over by a reindeer I would not be singing about Santa. Seriously American people are so weird."

She continued on like that for quite some time. I was practically rolling in my seat from laughing so hard. Mostly because she is right. It IS a pretty morbid Christmas song.

Luckily the remixed version of the song, with all it's electronic drum beats, stopped there and mixed itself on to a different song. I'd hate to think of what Karina would have thought if she heard the rest of the song go on to talk about Grandpa watching football and drinking beer or the dilemma of opening Grandma's gifts or sending them back. I'm sure that would have made her completely loose faith in Americans forever!

What did this whole experience teach me? Something about being desensitized to music, numb to the holiday hype, oblivious to the obvious... one of those I'm sure. But more importantly, it taught me about priorities. If my Grandma ever gets hit by a reindeer, I am hunting down that fat man in a suit, along with his freakishly gifted reindeer, and making them pay. Maybe in the form of extra gifts such as designer purses, clothes, and trips. But regardless...

He. Will. Pay.

Blogfully yours,


Anonymous said...

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! he sat on the chair .. drinking beer... and thinking about sending gift back???? WTF!!!????
First of all Santa aka felon breaks in to your house ...
Other song ive heard -the kid sees his mom kissing santa under misletoe ( which by the way sounds like camel toe)... lets hope thats kids father.. for all we know his father is upstairs sleeping!
Other "traditional song" 'Santa hurry down my CHIMNEY tonight'.... DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE???????

With Love and NO traditional DURTY songs! KARINA! THE RUSSIAN!

kel said...

Summer, you and your Russian BFF have taken all of the darkness (aka fun) out of Christmas. You are both dead to me henceforth.

C.S. Perry said...

Isn't it interesting that all the letters in Santa can be rearranged to spell Satan?
Weird when you think about it.

The Odd Duck said...

It's funny, I never really sat down and listened to that song was actually saying. Shame on me.

Erin said...

The darkness of Christmas past:

Santa used to be totally deranged. Then Coca-Cola changed everything.