Monday, December 8, 2008

Dick Magnet

I've written about getting hit on by a waiter. I've written about drunken attempts at a complement. I've written about failed relationships and my horrible habit of creating memories through crafts. This has all been within the past 30 days. Sad thing is, I still have 2 more stories to share.

The first is a continuation to the night I received what is hereby known as my "crotch complement" by Limo Guy. That same night I was also getting picked up on by his Limo driver. Now Limo Driver considers himself a musician. He an older African American man who has an extremely deep, low, sultry bluesy voice. He insisted on telling me how great he is and how I shouldn't judge him just because he drives the limo. He is apparently a "really big deal." He claims to have written songs with Ice Cube and when he is on stage women just throw themselves at him. He is never interested in these women however because his momma taught him to be picky. Oh but with me as his muse he could make sweet sweet music. Chart topping music in fact. He would be sure to give me credit of course seeing as how I would be his inspiration and all.

Needing a diversion, I went to the bathroom. Limo Driver decides to "borrow" my phone to call his phone so that he would have my number. Lucky me! He has called no less than 5 times. He has text a few times too. I have never once answered or responded. I actually have his number programmed with a "DO NOT ANSWER" as the last name, but he still seems hell bent on trying to get me to make sweet music with him. I should also mention that after the party, Karina the Russian informed me that apart from his multiple drug addictions, he was also recently released from prison. Awesome!

Story two!
Last week I went out with a group of friends. I was standing next to one of my guy friends when a random guys walks up to me.

Random Guy: "Hey! Is that your boyfriend?"

Me: "No. He is one of my friends."

RG: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: "Um... No."

RG: "Can I get your number then?"

Me: "That's a little forward don't you think? I don't even know you."

RG: "Oh... well... what do you do?"

Me: "I work in advertising. You?"

RG: "I'm in from New York. I'm a male dancer."

At this point random guy starts dancing for me. Dipping down low and bringing it back up again. I'm staring at him completely dumbfounded. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry. How can one girl be so lucky? I patted him on the shoulder, told him "no thanks" and went to the restroom so I could shake it off. I looked and looked in the mirror, but I couldn't find "Pick Up On Me", "Approach Me" or "Easy" written anywhere on my forehead.

This is my social life. I'm not going to say that I didn't or don't ever meet nice guys. I do. I am just on a major loosing (read: looser) streak lately. I suppose this where I tell myself that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince.

Screw that!

This is where I tell myself to laugh. After all these guys ARE giving me great stuff to write about. PLUS not just anyone can be this big of Dick Magnet. It has to be some sort of talent, right? I mean, God gave all of us talents so maybe this is mine. Yeah! I'm so going to run with that thought! My parents were right, turning to God really does make you feel better.

Blogfully yours,


scott said...

This is exactly not at all what my life is like. Nevertheless, I feel for you. Sounds icky.

Hello, Summer.

Erin Alberty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

I think we need to write new 12 Days of Christmas lyrics just for you.

Anonymous said...

LOL! THis is a great one! LOve you!
... you are more of a "bad habit dick magnet"
The Russian

keldwud said...

I would like to make a bet.

I am willing to place money on the following items.

Name of the limo driver in question is "Buddy"

Limo Driver used to be in a Jazz band that performed at that bar next to Brewvies

His drug of choice is coke.

I can go on and on :)

His approach is the funniest. He used to use the "you're special" approach on an escort friend of mine.

Small world.