When I was younger and married and working for a high strung boss, I had a lot of anxiety. I would have panic attacks quite frequently. I went to the doctor and the doctor said "let's get you medicated like the rest of the state of Utah". I thought doctors know best so I started popping the little pills he prescribed and became NUMB! Instead of having highs and lows, I now felt...nothing. I decided I didn't like feeling nothing so I quit taking the little prescribed pills, switched jobs, got a divorce and have been doing just dandy. Oh sure there are still the occasional sleepless nights, but they are few and far between. That is, until last night.
I had just finished a lovely dinner with lovely company who brought an even lovelier bottle of Argentine wine. I went to bed and should have slept soundly, like I normally do, but instead I tossed and turned all night having twisted demonic dreams and waking up with the feeling of a huge heavy weight on my chest. The only logical explanation for this unwelcome interruption into my nights sleep is that I am nervous about starting back to college this week. When I finally got out of bed and stumbled into the shower I thought, "Dammit! This is just the beginning. I love my sleep! I don't want to part with it! This whole education thing better be worth it!" which of course only added to my anxiety. But you know what? I know it will be worth it. It's an investment in myself and my future. I guess I just need to learn how to breath and maybe do some meditations or something. But then again, if that doesn't work, there are no shortage of doctors, pen in hand, ready to prescribe me more of those little mind numbing pills.
Monday, August 18, 2008
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5 comments:
You could be a complete Utah rebel and do real drugs. They don't necessarily make you "numb" so much as "crazy."
Here's to hoping your demonic dreams turn into erotic dreams. That way if you're tired in the morning, at least you're still smiling.
I'm sorry your stressing out so bad. I hated school and never want to go back. Not like that is really incouraging!! I am really thankful that I did do it though, and I have a job that I love and make good money. I am so proud of you for standing up for what you believe and what you want to do even though it is out of the normal. I think you are a very strong person and only wish you the best of luck. I don't think I could do what you have done on my own. Love Jenni
I've got lots of alcohol that might work too! LOL
Good luck with school! I am sure you'll love it once you get into it. I mean, if you can handle agency-life, you can definitely handle college!
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