Friday, January 30, 2009

Damn cat! Damn Boyfriend!

A while ago Karina the Russian and I decided that the one good thing about having an albino retard cat (Bodie), was that we could blame him for everything. House is a mess? Damn cat! No food in the kitchen? Damn cat!! Stub your toe? Damn cat!!! Start your period? Having a bad hair day? DAMN CAT!!! It has been an ongoing joke for a while now, especially over text messages.

"I've been running around all day. So tired. No gym. Damn cat!"

"Gonna be late! Damn cat! Be there in 20."

"OMG! Is this some kind of f'ing joke?? 3rd day I'm turning on the radio and Hoobastank is on AGAIN! F@*%ING CAT!

And my personal favorite, sent from Karina while trying to navigate the Denver airport.

"Did you know Island 3 and Island Street sounds the same to a Russian person?! Damn cat! I already made a few people laugh here!"

So Wednesday night ED came over. We both decided to put homework on hold and just have a quality stress free night together. We watched The Daily Show, The Soup and American Idol (Salt Lake City auditions) while munching on Kettle Corn. We cuddled on the couch, we laughed, we relaxed. It was perfect. To two busy college students, it was a slice of heaven. Before we were going to call it a night I said "Oh no! I didn't get a new blog post written!" He told me it was OK and that I could blame it on him and just say "No new post. Was distracted. Damn boyfriend!"

Boy is he going to regret saying that! Now that I have his permission, I have already come up with several ways to fully take advantage of it: I have nothing to wear. Damn boyfriend! My apartment is a disaster. Damn boyfriend! I'm late for work again. Damn boyfriend! I'm out of beer, wine AND vodka? DAMN BOYFRIEND!!!

Not quite the same as "Damn cat"... IT'S BETTER!!!

I'm so going to be single forever...

Blogfully yours,

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Obsess much?

I am sitting here trying to think of something note worthy to write. I thought about writing how my Dad called me at work just to see how I am doing and so that my niece could say "hi". I thought about how my most devoted reader who also happens to be my adorable Grandmother, called my Mother to inquire about the doctors appointment that I wrote about. Of course my Mom knew nothing about it because I didn't tell her and she doesn't regularly read my posts so she asked my Dad about it and he knew nothing which spurred the original phone call in the first place. Which is typical of how my family communicates and really it's hilarious if I could stop to actually digest it.

But I can't.

I can't because right now the only thing on my mind is that I got 99% on my first math test of the semester. I should be jumping up and down because I got an A, right? But instead I am pissed off that I forgot to carry the negative on a question, hence causing a 1 point deduction and the 99%.

Grrr! You may have won this time negative number but I'll be damned if I make that mistake again!

Blogfully yours,

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Going Green

I'm changing my stance. Environmental dating, on the rare occasion, is not such a bad thing. In fact, I am quite pleased with the results. Don't worry, I'm not going to get all sappy about liking a guy... I have Karina to do that for me.

Karina: So how are things going with you and ED? What did you guys do the other night?

Me: I like him! He is pretty freaking adorable. He came over and we had a study date... where we actually studied! I didn't realize that was possible! He was all studying at the table and I was all at my desk, then we would take a break to kiss for a second, then study some more.

Karina: OH! MY! GOD! You guys are like the hottest sexiest nerdiest couple EVER! That is so freaking cute! Oh honey! Wait... is he like your boyfriend now?

Me: Um...

Karina: He totally is! That is so cute! Honey I am so happy for you!

What can I say? He gets me. I get him. He gives me a case of the butterflies and makes me smile that big goofy smile when I see a text or get a call from him.

I can't believe I am actually posting a picture of us. It will probably be the kiss of death. Don't be surprised next week when I post the breakup post. I'm jinxing myself... but look how cute and happy we are are! How can I resist sharing him with the internet?

Blogfully yours,

Monday, January 26, 2009

Small Lake City

For a week strait my BFF Karina the Russian has been talking about how we need to go to Sundance. Not that we need to watch one of the films, but that we need to go to a fancy party and meet celebrities. Unfortunately the weekend she could get a sitter was this last weekend and from what I hear, all of the celebrities went home after the first weekend. Minor details to Karina, we were going to go out and have a good time damn it!

Karina called all of her connections and we were set to get into the Ed Hardy party at Harryos... for free ($100 door cover)! That is until 10 minutes before we were going to head up the canyon to Park City. I guess our connection decided that he wanted to stay in Salt Lake instead. My heart sank. UGH! Another night out in Salt Lake! But, ever the optimists, we decided that we were already all dolled up so we would go out.

I gotta tell you, going out in Salt Lake has lost it's appeal. I must be getting old or something. You see all of the same people, hear the same music and have the same night as you did the time before. Speaking of seeing people, it was like a convention of past suitors for both Karina and me. Suitors is such a horrible word, but I can't think of a better one. Luckily for me, ED was there to thwart them off. Poor Karina saw a guy that she really fell hard for until he disappeared off the planet. Luckily she looked smoking HOTT and I think he felt like an ass for ever letting her go. Serves him right.

Anyway, I am giving up on going out for a little while. Don't worry, crazy things will find me without bars or alcohol. I just seem to have a knack for finding crazy.

Blogfully yours,


Friday, January 23, 2009

When Doctors Tell You the Painful Truth

WARNING: In this post I am going to share something personal. If that makes you uncomfortable, check back in a day or two. I promise I will have more light hearted goodness for your enjoyment.

Yesterday morning I had a doctors appointment with my OBGYN. For any of the guys still daring to continue reading, that's the doctor who takes care of the female stuff. Now that I have lost all my male readers, let's move on with the story.

I have a medical condition called Endometriosis. According to WebMD, "Endometriosis is the development of uterine-lining tissue outside the uterus. Symptoms include abdominal pain, heavy periods, and infertility. Treatments include pain relievers, birth control pills, and surgery."

I have been dealing with this for over 10 years. I've tried every type of treatment from pills to shots to surgery (twice) to finally my current treatment, a simple IUD. When I was younger, doctors used to tell me to hurry and have kids then get a hysterectomy - the only guaranteed cure. Advice that may have been true, but to an 18 year old, not exactly something I was prepared to hear. However, when I was 24 and married, I did attempt to get pregnant. A year later I was divorced. I suppose this information will help explain part of this post.

Now I am 28.

I have had the same doctor, whom I love, for the past 6 or 7 years. He has seen me through treatment after unsuccessful treatment, managed pain medications and even performed one of my surgeries. At this particular yearly check up he decided that it was time to prepare me for the disappointment he fears I am headed towards. It is one thing to silently accept the fact that no matter how much you dreamed of it growing up, no matter how much you practiced playing mom with your dolls, a baby of your own is just not in the cards for you. It is quite another, I assure you, when a doctor says it.

When I left the doctors office, I cried on the drive into work.

Most of the time when the subject of children comes up, I say I don't really want any or I am undecided if kids are right for me. It is easier than explaining the truth, which is simply that I don't get to choose. Now I know what you will say, there is always adoption or the 20 grand process of in vitro which gives you a basic shot in hell. Please don't think for a second that I don't know the options out there - I'm aware.

Right now I am just reflecting. I am not throwing myself a pity party, as I mentioned this is not new news to me. It just still hurts. I think it will always hurt a little. But we all have our challenges and this is mine. It's not so bad. I've learned the process of mind of matter when it comes to pain management. Plus when that doesn't work, a glass of wine and some Ibuprofen can do the trick. I have learned how to genuinely be happy for friends and family who become pregnant. I no longer begrudge them as I once did. As for the rest of the symptoms that are a bit too personal to discuss, I am tackling those too. I could have it so much worse. I just have to remind myself of that at times... like right now.

Blogfully yours,


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Whoever said beauty is pain, should be shot!

I'll come right out and say it before anyone has a chance to. I am a hypocrite. I go and write this whole blog post about the dangers of "Environmental Dating" then I go and do exactly what I am not supposed to do.

I met ED (like that? ED? Short for Environmental dating? Yeah, I'm pretty clever like that.) about 1.5 years ago and things didn't work out due to timing or not being at the same place in our lives or some cliche lines like that. Well, we reconnected via facebook and have been hanging out for a little while. He is cute. I like him. That's about as far into the mushy stuff as I am capable of going. Anyway, ED is a personal trainer as well as a full time student studying to be a Physical Therapist.

So Saturday I am sitting on my butt eating Carmel Hershey Kisses getting caught up on my Tivo when I get the bright idea that ED could help motivate me to get back into shape. I text him asking if he would be willing to train me, which luckily he was. We set up a time on Sunday to work out at my gym. He gets me to commit to the days I will work out as well as my time commitment. I say 3 days a week for an hour and a half. Little did I know that an hour and a half meant 45 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of guy style weight training.

We met up Sunday, I did my cardio before he got there. 35 minutes of walking wasn't exactly what he had in mind, but he didn't push the matter. Instead he decided to punish me by making me stick out my butt as I did squats (form my ass!), lift really heavy stuff a whole bunch of times and die of embarrassment at not being able to do a pull up or a dip thingy - even on the assisted machines! To finish things off, ED helped me stretch which was the most painful feeling of release I have ever experience.

By the time we left the gym my legs were jello. I laughed it off trying to be tough and cute at the same time while cursing him under my breath, knowing full well that the stiffness I felt then would be nothing compared to the following days.

I text ED the next morning requesting he meet me at my work to carry me up the stairs to my office. He didn't show. Obviously he is not as committed to a second chance relationship as I thought he was. Maybe Karina is right that there should be no second chance, then again, maybe I just need to buck up and not let myself get so damn out of shape! Either way, I can barely move right now and I am perfectly fine with letting ED take all the blame.

Blogfully yours,


Monday, January 19, 2009

Required classes require a new attitude

I am a 28 year old freshman in college. I have been a business professional since I was 20 in one capacity or another. I have worked my way up in whatever field or company I have been employed with because I work hard and I am a quick learner.

As a freshman starting out there are, of course, a series of required classes you must take. I am in 3 of them this semester. My Monday night class is COMM 1010. When I told a good friend of mine that I would be taking this class he laughed and said that I could teach the class. At first I dismissed this as a kind thing to say and was pleased that he thought so highly of me, but now after attending class, reading the syllabus and skimming through the book, I am quite confident I could. This is not so much a boast on my part but a slam on how simplistic this class is. To be fair, I work in a communication industry and have for over 5 years. I am sure to some of my 18 or 19 year old classmates learning about writing formal letters and proper phone etiquette will be of great benefit to them; I'll be the girl in the back of the class hanging herself.

I am well aware that I need an attitude adjustment. I swear I am working on it! I am sure I can learn something from this class. My skills are not perfect and can always be improved upon. However, the most encouraging thought I've come up with is there are only 12 (normally 15) classes due to national holidays and the teacher taking a vacation. I can suffer through 12.

If nothing else, I can always make myself available in case the teacher needs a sub. There's one way to ensure an A.

I can do this.

Blogfully yours,

Friday, January 16, 2009

Grown up dating

As a teenager growing up one of my highlights was going to school dances.

Yeah, yeah, big deal right? Wrong.

In Utah school dances were and probably still are a big deal. For example, to ask a boy to a girls choice dance you do not simply walk up to them and say "hey, you wanna go to Spring Formal with me?" Oh no no no! You get their mothers permission to decorate their room with a big sign that says "I'd drop dead to go to Spring formal with you!" Put some police caution tape up around his room, outline your friends body on the floor and make it look like a crime scene. Lastly, hide your name somewhere in his room for him to find, tell his mom where you hid it - just in case he can't find it.

Oh but gets better.

The poor guy must now answer you in an equally creative way. Say, bake a cake with a toy gun on the top that reads "Shoot, don't drop dead, find my answer in the cake instead!" Leaving you to tear through a whole sheet cake to find the answer.

The day of the dance rolls around which will involve a full day of activities: games during the day (laser tag or an organized food fight in the park), a break to get ready (in matching themed shirts if it is not a formal event), dinner, the actual dance, over priced professional photos followed by an extended curfew PG movie with a group of friends at whoever has the largest TVs house. Close parental supervision will be enforced so first base is about all the guy can hope for.

Yes, I looked forward to each and every one of those stupid dances. It was the prep work, the anticipation, the "oh my gosh I hope I get asked!" followed by the relief of finally getting asked by your best guy friend who felt sorry for you.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I have a date tonight. I have a date, with a man who actually took the time to plan something fun out. I get to wear my new black suede boots on my date. I raided my closet and tried on 3 outfits (with my boots of course) to find the one that makes my butt look round and the rest of me look sexy-classy, not sexy-slutty. I thought about making him wear matching themed shirts but figured he might think I'm crazy. Best to stick with the sexy-classy.

OK, so I know this is far from the same thing, the rules have definitely changed and there will be no parental supervision, but it just feels really good to have someone put forth an effort.

I feel... special.

Blogfully yours,


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dating Like A Man

The great thing about having single girlfriends is that they read a lot of relationship books. It saves me time to just get the cliff-notes from them instead of actually reading the books myself. Anyway, Karina the Russian has been reading this book about how to "Date Like A Man". As you can imagine, about half of it is good and half of it is crap. Things like "Men like blow jobs" or "Men don't like to be nagged" make me think the author must be queen of No Shit or something. But there are a few areas where she actually redeems herself. For example, she recommends writing a list of all of the qualities you want in a man, like successful, driven, good with kids, artistic, handsome, blah and blah, THEN take a look at the list and ask yourself if you have the same characteristics. If you want a successful-driven-good with kids-artistic-handsome-blah-blah man, then you yourself need to have those same characteristics. Which totally makes sense because what brilliant catch of a man is looking to find a dull lifeless unmotivated jobless chick. I mean even in Hollywood they don't stretch that far. Millionaire and street hooker, yes. But she was super motivated and a good person. Anyway, I'm rambling, but you get my point, right? Right.

The author also recommends dating 4 men at the same time until you choose one to be serious with, oh and you shouldn't be serious with anyone until you have been dating for about a year. HELLO!!! Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? That sounds like a whole lot of work. Are you supposed to take notes at the end of every date to keep track of who says what? I mean I can juggle 2, maybe 3 when I am on my "A game" but right now I work full time and I am in school. I can barely find time to eat, yet alone date when I am in school. The past month has been fun because I did date a bit, but now, I guess only the dedicated persistent souls will survive, which I fear could be none.

The price of higher education - singleness.

Blogfully yours,

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Year For My Girls

I am overcome with...emotions. Saturday I took my darling BFF, Karina the Russian, to the airport where she flew (on her own) to Denver for her first business trip as the manager of an Aveda store/salon. As she walked away, baby pink suitcase in tow, I have never been so proud! I wish I would have taken a picture. I felt like a mom sending her child off to school for their first day. I know it sounds silly, but there was a time when my confident Russian beauty doubted herself and didn't think she was qualified to run the show. Now, a little over 2 weeks in, she is kicking butt and taking names and I couldn't be happier for her.

Saturday I also spent the night at my baby sister Staci's new apartment. It was her and her daughter Brielle's first night there, I guess mine too. Talk about another huge accomplishment. My sister is 26 years old and has never moved out of my parents house. I understand that when you are a single mom living in a house with 2 other adults, who are always there to help you with your daughter, becomes very comfortable and hard to leave - but she did it. To celebrate we went to WalMart and bought all of the beginners grocery essentials she would need, drank a bottle of wine and watched Sex In the City. I am happy to report that Brielle even went to bed fairly easy too. I am so proud of my sister.

As for me, I am plugging along. I start school today. I am taking 3 classes or 9 credit hours this semester. I am a little worried about finding time for everything. I guess you could say that today marks the end of my social life for about 5 months. Oh well, it will all be worth it. To be honest I am actually looking forward to getting back into a rhythm with school and work. I kind of thrive on being busy. Plus it allows me to be completely selfish with my time and no one can say anything about it. When you tell someone you have homework or need to study, they always seem to understand and never give you a guilt trip. It is perfect. Honest and perfect.

Blogfully yours,


Sunday, January 11, 2009

Adventures in Snowshoeing Part II

I am incredibly late in getting this post up but in my defense, I didn't have the pictures until Friday and I was sick on Friday. Not that you really care. But I feel better justifying why I am posting info that happened a week ago.

For my second snowshoeing adventure we had originally planned to go somewhere in Little Cottonwood Canyon, but it was 17 degrees outside and a shady canyon would have made it miserable so we opted to go to Millcreek canyon where we would be able to hike in the sun. We snowshoed along the Pipeline trail; a trail we hike in the summer and my second hike of 2008. My good friend Heidi came along to join in the fun. I think it is safe to say that we both had a great time!

Near the bottom of the trail, after veering off the trail and getting to sink our shoes in some serious powder, we were overcome with the endorphins running through our body. It was like we were on Ecstasy or something because everything became more beautiful than I ever remember it being before. The trees looked like individual masterpieces with the way the snow balanced on each branch, the bridge and stream that was half frozen over was the most picturesque image I had ever seen in my life, the snow was littered with diamond shards and the air cleansed my entire body with every inhale!

Heidi looked at me and almost in unison we said "Winter is so beautiful!"

Most days winter is cold. It is brutal, relentless, it lasts way too long and makes driving ridiculous. But on this day, way up in the mountains, winter was appreciated. Winter was beautiful.

Blogfully yours,

Friday, January 9, 2009

Sick as a Dog

What exactly does the expression "sick as a dog" mean? Did somebody have a really low oppinion of dogs, as in dogs are sick creatures? That seems kind of rude. For the record I am a fan of dogs. But unfortunately "sick as a dog" is how I have been the past few days. Sore throat, fever and full body aches. I slept for over 14 hours last night and woke up delirious and confused, I'm assuming form the fever. I was so out of it I wouldn't answer my phone or respond to texts. I knew I needed to take something to help my fever, but I couldn't think clearly enough to get out of bed. Any time I'd sit up I'd start shivering and lay back down again.

Eventually I did get up. I got my fever under control, ate some soup, drank some tea, got caught up on my DVR shows and I am starting to feel slightly better. I even managed to take down most of my Christmas decorations. Talk about a long overdue project. But now, I am exhausted again so off to bed I go.

Dog-fully yours,

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

"Environmental Dating"

Did you know that according to a book that I did not read but my friend Heidi told me about, that more old relationships are ended in January and new ones formed? I'm serious, there is some sort of study that somebody did that shows that right after New Years a lot of people break up. Something to do with New Years resolutions and finding true happiness... plus no one wants to be the asshole who breaks up right before the holidays so it is perfect timing. Then on the flip side those who are smart and stay single for the holidays are also looking to start out the New Years with love and if they get moving right away they can actually form the beginning of a meaningful relationship by Valentines Day. True story.

Now that you have been updated with this news, I must warn you that there is an epidemic that has been sweeping the country. It has been going on too long, it's time somebody brought it to light. The epidemic of which I speak is Environmental Dating.

Do not be fooled by it's eco-friendly name. When Jack Johnson sang his plea to "Reduce. Reuse. Recycle." he was NOT referring to dating. Reduce your consumption, reuse your clothing, recycle your cans - not your men. I know, I know, I am one of the biggest offenders of Environmental Dating and I am sure it comes as no surprise that Karina the Russian was the one to point it out to me. She has adopted the policy of once it is over, it is over. You don't piss off a Russian, and there certainly are no second chances. If it didn't work out the first time there was a reason and time will not change that! Unfortunately, I am not so tuff. I tend to have an all too forgiving heart that lands me back in the arms of previous loves. BUT the first rule of marketing, well maybe not the first or really any rule at all, is that if you put a name to something it becomes scary!

Beware of Environmental Dating!

See? Doesn't that sound scary? Like something you really want to find out about and avoid? I thought so. You can thank me later. I'm just doing my duty as a single citizen.

Blogfully yours,

Monday, January 5, 2009

Worlds Greatest TV Show: CROTCH MAFIA

With a name like that, it can only mean one thing. That's right, it's time for another installment of Karina the Russian stories.

Like a lot of the ladies out there, Karina and I are big fans of the nighttime soap opera shows containing similar plots about girl power, friendships and all the quirks that come their way, i.e. Sex and the City, Cashmere Mafia, and our recent favorite Lipstick Jungle. The other night we were watching one such show, when Karina turned to me and said, "you know they should really make a show about us! I'm serious! Think about it, 2 friends, one is a sexy successful business woman advertising person and the other is from Russia and manages a hair salon. Man, the drama I have to deal with with those bitches is enough to write it's own show. Plus we get into trouble no matter where we go and we are always having adventures and man troubles. We can call it 'Crotch Mafia'!!! Oh. My. God. It's perfect! I'm serious honey, we can make a lot of money on this. Somebody who would be smart, would make a show about us."

I laughed and told her "yes, but in those shows they always have some rich guy chasing after them and trying to sweep them off their feet and that is just not happening for me."

"YET! It's only because you haven't met the right man. That asshole is out there somewhere taking his sweet ass time."

Of course the "crotch" in "Crotch Mafia" is a reference to my greatest and most bizarre complement. It has kind of stuck though. If I am ever having a down day, just say "sexy crotch" to me and I can't help but smile. Plus it's fun to say. I recommend complementing all of your girlfriends by telling them they have a sexy crotch area. See what they say. I bet they will never forget it.

DISCLAIMER: Telling someone they have a "sexy crotch" is done at your own risk. I claim no responsibility for any negative reaction such as a slap to the face, knee to the groin, or getting dumped. However, if the reaction is positive, please feel free to send them a link to my blog.

Blogfully yours,

Friday, January 2, 2009

Happy 2009!

Much like Christmas, Karina the Russian was my date for New Years Eve this year. We went out, we caused a scene, we took pictures! Enjoy!

In reality we are just a bunch of nerds. Sometimes we even catch ourselves on film in all our nerdy-ness. This was the getting ready pre-party at Karina's pad.

It only took 2 1/2 hours of getting ready, but this was my end result.

Happy New Years! I hope it was great for everyone.

Blogfully yours,