A friend of my commented to me tonight that "ignorance is bliss" which really got me thinking, IS ignorance really bliss? I won't lie, for a moment I was completely sold on the idea. But then the next obvious cliche line came to mind; "it is far better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." Is that painful statement true? Which one is more accurate?
In my short life time I have loved and I have lost, over and over again. Each time I learn a lesson and I chalk it up to building character and forming me into the person I am today, but, I fear that after every breakup I become more and more jaded.
Outside my apartment there was a couple fighting. I couldn't hear what the fight was about but it aided in my further reflection on past relationships. I have been in some where yelling came standard. I have been in one where if I dared to raise my voice I was met only with silence. Fighting, or rather, heated discussions, can have the tendency to make you feel alive. To have someone who evokes that much passion in you, to make you feel strongly one way or another, to actually feel the fire raise up inside you until you blow, is...something. Not necessarily good, but something. If nothing else it means you care enough to be upset. The reason this is of significance is because I have also been in relationships where that fire never existed, where I never cared enough to get upset. Truly, to know happiness you must know sorrow. You will never appreciate pleasure without having experienced pain. So where is the happy medium?
Sometimes I begrudge all of the pain that my search for love has caused me. I am, of course, no saint and have caused my share of pain along the way. I feel it is only natural to wish none of it had ever happened at all, that I had never felt a broken heart, had never cried myself to sleep, that I never knew the regret of loosing someone I truly cared about. Deep down I crave love, just as I am sure so many of you do, but I also fear it. Sometimes I feel it is easier to just keep my heart guarded and locked away. If you never let anyone in, you can never get hurt, right? But even that is not true because you hurt yourself in the process.
Honestly I don't have any answers. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be writing this post instead of finishing my math homework. But I wanted to put down my thoughts before I lost them and decided it wasn't worth revisiting again...because reflection hurts. It may help you grow, but it stings in the process.
Your comments on the subject are welcome here. Don't hold back.
Blogfully yours,
Summer
Monday, October 27, 2008
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3 comments:
Funny. I have had this debate in the past. Sometimes I wish I were oblivious to life. Actually, that's a lot of the time. Life would be so much easier as a shallow person who cares about nothing. My greatest goal in life is to become shallow so I don't care about all this.
Loving means flirting with the line between Heaven and Hell. Has it hurt me in the past? Most emphatically, yes. But I'm a better person knowing it that had I kept myself detached from it.
As someone who more often than not thinks with his heart and not his head, I agree with the view that arguments can be a good thing (from a certain point of view. That passion is exhilarating.
I'll take the good with the bad rather than go back to ignorance.
- Kendall
You do you think you are? Carrie from Sex in the City? I think it's better to just live your life than dwell over stupid shit.
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